Trying out, moving forward

I have not been in the dating scene for ages since my first relationship. I not sure why, but I think it teach me to grow and it helps to mature my thinking. Recently, I not sure what is the motive of my self conscious, I get myself sign up on a dating website. Guess out of the blue, I might just jump started something I think I should not. Anyway, I need to appreciate this sudden chances because it really educate me in what is going on in the love world nowadays, and it was a really a big eye opening for me. 

To me, I always believe everyone would have their deserve somebody at the end of the day. I guess that is just yet another naive idea of my, trying to tell myself "keep on going gal, someone special would be there waiting for u". At the end of the day, gone were the days of my youth. Actually I think I had indeed lock out myself after my first relationship, I lock myself with works and my inner self. Frankly speaking, it is not a good feel, try imagine a pool of your friend that might be in the same situation at that moment of time do encourage you to lock urself down, "who cares about man with big egos, lets just be women". Back then, alliance were form, groups were build, plans were makes and etc. But when love strike out of a sudden, everyone started to build up a new life and new pages, it seem the pool of the single ladies getting smaller and suddenly you were left alone in the borderless battle field, all alone. It was not a good feeling I guarantee you, all those happy faces, sweet smiles, all those marriage dinner you attend, all summaries up and u end up with "u are so sucks in your life". No offences, unless u are so comfy and confident enuf that u would not end up like a sitting duck in the pot roast and you are so happy in your life, go ahead and I solute you.

Being one of the warrior myself for the past few years, I was thinking I need to do some adjustment in life. Imagine this, when weekends were usually fill up with plans, luncheon, dinner and activities which does not trigger the needs of man and all of the sudden you end up with just yourself alone, hanging out with books, listening to music and sitting in front of the laptop, a write up of your life in a sentence. Sometime I shy away from going out with couples, not sure why but always there is an aching feel inside that there is no word to describe of and it is so sad and depressing sometime. I mean friends cares and love you so much that they want to share the happiness with you but it always that feel that make the whole thing weird, and then suddenly I try to avoid group outing and stuff like that. A typical life of a single women in real life nowadays.

All that make you thinking, your mind start rolling and your finger unintentionally punching the word "dating" keyword on Google search. In the period of punching the alphabet in and waiting, my self conscious mind start interfering: with all the fraud cases, all the lies and etc. Being a gemini person, this is the conversation between the angelic (A) and satanic (S) me:

A: What are you doing?S: Doing something that I suppose to do ages ago. Why u care? Online dating.A: Don't you read on the newspaper, all those fraud cases, all those nasty story. Try to have faith on yourself. Believe.S: There is no harm in trying, loosen up and try to grow up. U aren't doing criminal stuff? Just try out, not a single sens involvement.A: What if?S: What if? I thought you always say live the life to the fullest and why not try this out, are you happy with yourself and your pitiful life? Get a life and be wild sometime, u not young you knowA: U got some point, but.....S: Listen to me once and we would have the conversation again in future.

It was a hard war and argument to be in and then the list of website start popping up and I end up signing up on it. A brief write up, a short introduction, putting some major detail of myself and current situation, I still have some hesitation of putting my photo but end up the satanic of me put the photo anyway. Things happen so much and fast that I don't even realize, message and email of friendship offering, man with all ages and all kind, you name it and they are there. I not sure of the time frame/centuries that I am in but I realize how backward I am in, gosh. Man are really good in words sometime it freaks me out, and I not sure is this an act or nature born. No wonder gals can fall so easily. Anyway, those that interest me I started off with sincerity and start chatting and exchange words in the email. At least, no psychical and mental connected is easier to call off I think, I prefer to play magic of disappearing sometime.  As things start rolling, invitation for coffee and drinks start pouring in, I not really like to entertaining on this request but guess what all of sudden I indeed entertain one. For the very first time, I went out for coffee with a total stranger that I don't know much of... guess that would be another chapter in my life that I can write on...